My attempts to mimic Jeff Foxworthy

It's clear that you're a meerkat

2009-10-30T15:52:00.000-07:00

Uses:

When you stand on two legs with your family and friends because you think a predator is coming... it's clear that you're a meerkat
When your best friend is a large warthog with bad gas... it's clear that you're a meerkat
When going outside means sticking your head out of the ground to look around and be cute... it's clear that you're a meerkat
When you live by the catchphrase Hakuna Matata... it's clear that you're a meerkat... or a warthog... or a young lion club voiced by JTT and later by Matthew Broderick

Problems:

This one was KILLING... until Disney decided to sue me saying that all I was doing was using Lion King references.

2009-10-30T15:44:00.000-07:00

Uses:

If you don't really make sense all the time... it's obvious you're a smobvious.
If you are just used sometimes to rhyme something... it's obvious you're a smobvious
If you frequently find yourself in Dr. Seuss books... it's obvious you're a smobvious.

Problem:

Too Andy Kaufmanish... but not funny.

2009-10-30T15:43:00.000-07:00

Uses:

When you find yourself wedged in numerous layers of the grand canyon in various forms... it's evident you're sediment(ary rock)
When you have a racial prejudice against igneous rocks... it's evident you're sediment(ary rock)
When the teacher says Samson and you say "here" because you misheard her and thought she said Sandstone... it's evident you're sediment(ary rock)
When your biggest enemy is erosion and water... it's evident you're sediment(ary rock)
When your idea of a good time is getting compressed and turning into a metamorphic rock... it's evident you're sediment(ary rock)... and that you have a drug problem... just be yourself.

Problems:

This one killed at a geology seminar I was doing stand up at... but the night clubs aren't really a sedimentary rock scene.

2009-10-30T15:36:00.000-07:00

Uses:

When you have peanut butter and jelly already mixed into one of those goober containers... it's apparent you're a parent.
When you think a good time on a Friday night is a mild amount of sleep after watching Finding Nemo... it's apparent you're a parent.
When the last time you thought about sex was during a college class... it's apparent you're a parent... and that you knocked up your girlfriend in college... that is also apparent.
When you think a good paint job consists of peanut butter on the walls... it's apparent you're a parent.
When you say you liked E.T. but weren't a fan of the blood and gore in the movie... it's apparent you're a parent.

Problems with this phrase:

It's fairly clear I'm not a parent and all my jokes are taken from stereotypical parental things... also I think it's from Family Circus.